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| Author: Pastor Faith Oyedepo |
Dear Reader,
We started this teaching last week by looking at God, being the foundation of effective communication. Today, we shall be discussing the Keys Of Talking And Listening, as another vital key of effective communication. Silence, we all know, is only permitted in the grave. The only proof of life, therefore, is communication in its various forms.
Communication is a two-way process that involves talking and listening. Couples need to spend time communicating with each other, because such time spent is never a waste, but an investment. It is not so much of how long, but how well. This helps in developing personal relationship with each other. Someone has said, “A good communicator is always a good listener.” That is, a good communicator is not one who talks all the time, but one who knows when to talk and when to listen (Ecclesiastes 3:1).
Can you imagine how frustrating it will be for you to receive a phone call from a friend, who spends twenty minutes talking, never allowing you to say a word? It is quite frustrating! For communication to be effective, when one is talking, the other person should listen. God’s Word says: Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath (James 1:19). This simply means that you should listen more than you talk. Perhaps, this is the reason God gave man two ears, but only one mouth, I believe.
One person should not be the only one talking throughout. No matter your temperament, never monopolize a discussion. Give room to your spouse or other members of the family to express themselves, as well. If your partner is an introvert, and you are an extrovert, be patient enough to allow him time to talk and wait for him to finish before you respond. Know that good lovers are usually good listeners. Learn to listen!
It is important for us to know that men generally are direct in communication, while most of the time women are not. Women talk to get relief, while men talk to pass across information. Women talk to express their feelings, because to them, this is a process of proffering solutions to their problems, but men think logically to solve problems. Most of the time, wives just need their husbands to listen to them and not necessarily to proffer solutions to their demands.
Women communicate their feelings by making general statements. For instance, a woman says, “We never go out” while she is expressing her desire for another date. The man responds sharply with statements like “We went out last week”. Understanding is the key, and in order to be able to fully grasp what your wife wants, you have to read from what she says and you must first listen to her.
There are various ways you can enhance effective communication in your marriage. They are, but not limited to:
Openness: There should be no hide-and-seek game between you and your spouse, because you are now one. No one keeps secrets from himself. So, feel free to discuss anything and everything about yourself, with your spouse. It is not possible for the toe to hurt without the brain knowing; they are both members of one body.
Similarly, God expects that when two become one in holy wedlock, nothing should be kept as secret between them. Both must be open to one another and walk in sincerity. When a man takes a woman as a wife, the Bible declares that in God’s eyes, they are one flesh (Mark 10:8).
The devil often leads people into thinking that if they open up completely, they may never be accepted for who they are or that when their spouses hear the whole truth about an issue, they won’t love them anymore. But this is a lie. God’s Word says: And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed (Genesis 2:25). If in the beginning, the man and his wife were naked but did not experience shame, then it follows that if you apply the same principle of openness to your marriage, shame will not be your portion!
Appreciation: For every little thing or gift you receive from your spouse, learn to appreciate it because this will provoke him or her to go the extra mile to do anything for you. Appreciate the fact that you are married to him or her.
Continuous Forgiveness: Keeping of grudges and offences will create distance between you and your spouse. This eventually degenerates to anger, which stirs up bitterness and hatred that blocks the free flow of effective communication. Never you go to bed at night with something against your spouse in your heart. If you do, you have given the devil room to penetrate your marriage through nightmares, for instance. Make sure whatever needs to be sorted out, is done same day. You shall not fail in Jesus’ name!
To fulfill marital responsibilities, as discussed here, you need to secure God’s grace by giving your life to Christ. If you are not born again and you want to do so today, please say this prayer:
Dear Lord, I come to You today. I am a sinner. Forgive me of my sins. Cleanse me with Your precious Blood. Deliver me from sin and Satan, to serve the Living God. I accept You as my Lord and Saviour. Now I know I am born again!
Congratulations! Till I come your way again next week, call or write, and share your testimonies with me through: contact@faithoyedepo.org, counselling@faithoyedepo.org OR 07026385437, 08141320204
For more insight, these books authored by me are available at the Dominion Bookstores in all the Living Faith Churches and other leading Christian bookstores:
- Single With A Difference
- Marriage Covenant
- Making Marriage Work
- Building a Successful Family
- The Effective Minister’s Wife and Success in Marriage (Co-Authored).
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